I left my keys in the car

    After a meeting I was coming out of a hotel and I was looking for my car keys. They were not in my pockets. A quick search in the meeting room… it wasn’t there. Suddenly I realized I must have left them in the car. My husband has shouted many times for leaving the keys in the ignition. My theory is, the ignition is the best place not to lose them. His theory is that the car will be stolen. Immediately I rushed to the parking lot, I came to a terrifying conclusion. His theory was right. The parking lot was empty. I immediately called the police. I gave them my location, car number and description of the place where I parked etc. I equally confessed that I had left my keys in the car, and that it had been stolen. Then I made the most difficult call of all, to my husband!!! “Honey,” I stammered; I always call him “honey” in times like this. “I left my keys in the car, and it has been stolen.” There was a period of silence. I thought the call had been dropped, but then I heard his voice. “Idiot”, he shouted, “I dropped you at the hotel !” Now it was my time to be silent. Embarrassed, I said, “Well, come and get me.” He shouted again, “I will, as soon as I manage to convince this policeman that I have not stolen your...

Johnny living with her female friend

    A mother is invited by her son, Johnny, for dinner. He lives with a female roommate, Tina. During the course of the meal, his mother couldn’t help but notice how pretty Johnny’s roommate is. Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between Johnny and his roommate then met the eye. Reading his mom’s thoughts, Johnny volunteered, “I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Tina and I are just roommates.” About a week later, Tina came to Johnny saying, “Ever since your mother came to dinner, I’ve been unable to find the silver sugar bowl. You don’t suppose she took it, do you?” “Well, I doubt it, but I’ll email her, just to be sure.” So he sat down and wrote an email: Dear Mama, I’m not saying that you ‘did’ take the sugar bowl from my house; I’m not saying that you ‘did not’ take it. But the fact remains that it has been missing ever since you were here for dinner. Love, Johnny Several days later, Johnny received a response email from his Mama which read: Dear son, I’m not saying that you ‘do’ sleep with Tina, and I’m not saying that you ‘do not’ sleep with her. But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her OWN bed, she would have found the sugar bowl by now which is under her pillow. Love,...
Woman visiting her recently married son

Woman visiting her recently married son

  A woman stopped by unannounced at her recently married son’s house. She rang the doorbell and walked in. She was shocked to see her daughter-in-law lying on the couch, totally n*k*d. Soft music was playing and the aroma of perfume filled the room. “What are you doing?” she asked. “I’m waiting for my husband to come home from work,” the daughter-in-law said. “I am wearing my love dress.” “Love dress? But you’re na*ed!” said the mother-in-law. “My husband loves me to wear this dress,” she explained. “It excites him to no end. Every time he sees me in this dress, he instantly becomes romantic and ravages me for hours on end. He can’t get enough of me.” The mother-in-law left. When she got home, she undressed, showered, put on her best perfume, dimmed the lights, put on a romantic CD, and lay on the couch waiting for her husband to arrive. Finally, her husband came home. He walked in and saw her lying there so provocatively. “What are you doing?” he asked. “This is my love dress” she whispered, sensually. “Needs ironing,” he...
Need to use the restroom

Need to use the restroom

  A nun, badly needing to use the restroom, walked into a local Hooters. The place was hopping with music and loud conversation and every once in a while ‘the lights would turn off.’ Each time the lights would go out, the place would erupt into cheers. However, when the revelers saw the nun, the room went dead silent. She walked up to the bartender, and asked, ‘May I please use the restroom? The bartender replied, ‘OK, but I should warn you that there is a statue of a naked man in there wearing only a fig leaf.’ ‘Well, in that case, I’ll just look the other way,’ said the nun. So the bartender showed the nun to the back of the restaurant. After a few minutes, she came back out, and the whole place stopped just long enough to give the nun a loud round of applause. ! She went to the bartender and said, ‘Sir, I don’t understand. Why did they applaud for me just because I went to the restroom?’ ‘Well, now they know you’re one of us,’ said the bartender, ‘Would you like a drink?’ ‘No thank you, but, I still don’t understand,’ said the puzzled nun. ‘You see,’ laughed the bartender, ‘every time someone lifts the fig leaf on that statue, the lights go out. Now, how about that...
The Beautiful Girl at Customs

The Beautiful Girl at Customs

A beautiful young woman, on an international flight, asked the priest beside her, “Father, may I ask a favour?” “Of course you may. What can I do for you?” “Well, I bought this expensive electronic hair dryer that is well over the Customs limits and I’m afraid that they’ll confiscate it from me. Is there anyway that you could carry it through Customs for me? Under your robes perhaps?” “I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you: I will not lie.” “With your honest face, Father, no one will question you.” When they got to Customs, the young lady let the priest go ahead of her. The Customs Officer asked, “Father, do you have anything to declare?” “From the top of my head down to my waist, I have nothing to declare.” The Officer thought this answer strange, so he asked, “And what do you have to declare from your waist to the floor?” “I have a marvelous little instrument designed to be used on a woman, but which is, to date, unused.” Roaring with laughter, the Officer said, “God bless you, Father, go...