Senior citizen and social security

Senior citizen and social security

  Retired gentlemen went to apply for social security. After waiting in line for quite a long time, he arrives at the counter. The woman behind the counter asked him for his identification to verify his age. He looked in his pockets and realized he has left his wallet at home. He told the woman that he seemed to have left his wallet at home, “will I have to go home and come back now? ” he ask. The woman says, “unbutton your shirt. ” he opens his shirt revealing lots of curly silver hair. She says, “that silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me ” as she processes his social security application. When he gets home, the man excitedly tells his wife about this experience at social security office. She says, “you should have dropped your pants, you might have qualified for disability,...
What politics is?

What politics is?

  Little Johnny: “Daddy, I have to write a special report for school, but I don’t know what Politics is.” Father: “Well, let’s take our home as an example. I am the bread-winner, so let’s call me Capitalism. Your Mum is the administrator of money, so we’ll call her Government. We take care of your need, so let’s call you The People. We’ll call the maid the Working Class and your brother we can call The Future. Do you understand Johnny?” Little Johnny: “I’m not really sure, Dad. I’ll have to think about it.” That night awakened by his brother’s crying, Little Johnny went to see what was wrong. Discovering that the baby had seriously soiled his diaper, Little Johnny went to his parents’ room and found his mother sound asleep. He went to the maid’s room, where, peeking through the keyhole, he saw his father in bed with the maid. Little Johnny’s knocking went totally unheeded by his father and the maid, so Little Johnny returned to his room and went back to sleep. The next morning he reported to his father. Little Johnny: “Dad, now I think I understand what Politics is.” Father: “Good Johnny! Can you explain it to me in your own words?” Little Johnny: “Well Dad, while Capitalism is screwing the Working Class, Government is sound asleep, the People are being completely ignored and the Future is full of...
Old married couple fighting with pillows

Old married couple fighting with pillows

  An old married couple no sooner hit the pillows when the old man passes gas and says, ‘Seven Points.’ His wife rolls over and says, ‘What in the world was that?’ The old man replied, ‘its fart football.’ A few minutes later his wife lets one go and says, ‘Touchdown, tie score…’ After about five minutes the old man lets another one go and says, ‘Aha. I’m ahead 14 to 7.’ Not to be outdone the wife rips out another one and says, ‘Touchdown, tie score.’ Five seconds go by and she lets out a little squeaker and says, ‘Field goal, I lead 17 to 14.’ Now the pressure is on for the old man. He refuses to get beaten by a woman, so he strains real hard. Since defeat is totally unacceptable, he gives it everything he’s got, and accidentally poops in the bed. The wife says, ‘What the hell was that?’ The old man says, ‘Half time, switch...
Little Johnny and Ghost

Little Johnny and Ghost

  A professor at the Auburn University was giving a lecture on Paranormal Studies. To get a feel for his audience, he asks, ‘How many people here believe in ghosts?’ About 90 students raise their hands. Well, that’s a good start. Out of those who believe in ghosts, do any of you think you have seen a ghost?’ About 40 students raise their hands. That’s really good. I’m really glad you take this seriously. Has anyone here ever talked to a ghost?’ About 15 students raise their hand. Has anyone here ever touched a ghost?’ Three students raise their hands. That’s fantastic. Now let me ask you one question further…Have any of you ever made love to a ghost?’ Way in the back, Little Johnny raises his hand. The professor takes off his glasses and says ‘Son, all the years I’ve been giving this lecture, no one has ever claimed to have made love to a ghost. You’ve got to come up here and tell us about your experience.’ Little Johnny replied with a nod and a grin, and began to make his way up to the podium. When he reached the front of the room, the professor asks, ‘So, Johnny, tell us what it’s like to make love with a ghost?’ Little Johnny replied, “Shit, from way back there I thought you said...
Respect your husband or don’t blame him later

Respect your husband or don’t blame him later

  The Wife Came Home Early From Work And Found Her Husband In Bedroom Making Love To A Very Attractive Young Woman. She Cried: “You Are A Disrespectful Pig! How Dare You Do This To Me — A Faithful Wife, The Mother Of Your Children! I’m Leaving You. I Want A Divorce Right Away!” Husband Replied: “Hang On Just A Minute Love So At Least I Can Tell You What Happened.” She Sobbed: “Fine, Go Ahead, But They’ll Be The Last Words You’ll Say To Me!” And The Husband Began – Well, I Was Getting Into The Car To Drive Home, And This Young Lady Here Asked Me For A Lift. She Looked So Down And Out And Defenseless That I Took Pity On Her And Let Her Into The Car. I Noticed That She Was Very Thin, Not Well Dressed And Very Dirty. She Told Me That She Hadn’t Eaten For Three Days. So, In My Compassion, I Brought Her Home And Warmed Up The Enchiladas I Made For You Last Night, The Ones You Wouldn’t Eat Because You’re Afraid You’ll Put On Weight. Since She Needed A Good Clean-Up, I Suggested A Shower, And While She Was Doing That, I Noticed Her Clothes Were Dirty And Full Of Holes, So I Threw Them Away. Then, As She Needed Clothes, I Gave Her The Designer Jeans That You Have Had For A Few Years, But Don’t Wear Because You Say They Are Too Tight. I Also Gave Her The Underwear That Was Your Anniversary Present, Which You Don’t Wear Because I Don’t Have Good Taste. I Found The...